Midnight Peebs Game INSTRUCTIONS
“Midnight Peebs” is an old pagan ritual used mainly as punishment for those who have broken the law. While it is mainly used as a scare tactic to not disobey the lords of kobol, there is still a very real chance of death to those who play Midnight Peebs and there is an even higher chance of permanent mental scarring. It is highly recommended that you DO NOT PLAY MIDNIGHT PEEBS.
Do so at your own risk.
PREREQUISITES: It must be exactly 12:00 AM when you begin performing the ritual, otherwise it will not work. It helps to be buzzed, if not drunk. The materials that are required include a candle, at least one drop of your own favorite booze, a piece of paper, matches or a lighter, pizza rolls, and a Beck CD.
STEP ONE: Write your full name on a piece of paper and put a drop of booze on it. Allow it to soak in.
STEP TWO: Turn off all the lights in the house. Go to your front door and place the paper with your name in front of it. Now, take the candle and light it. Place the candle on top of the paper with your name.
STEP THREE: Knock on your own door 31 times (The hour MUST be 12:00 AM upon the final knock), then open the door, let Paul Brooks into your house, blow out the candle, and close the door. You have just allowed the “Midnight Peebs” into your home. Begin playing the Beck CD.
STEP FOUR: Immediately relight your candle.
This is where the game begins. You must now lurk around your now completely dark house with the lit candle in hand. Your goal is to avoid Midnight Peebs at all costs until exactly 3:33 AM. Should your candle ever go out, it is because Midnight Peebs is near you. You must relight the candle within the next ten seconds. If you are unsuccessful in relighting the candle, you must then immediately surround yourself with a circle of pizza rolls.
If you are unsuccessful in both of these, Midnight Peebs will then induce a hallucination of your greatest fear until 3:33 AM, during which time he will feel you creepy. If you are successful in relighting the candle, then you may proceed. If you are successful in creating the circle of pizza rolls, you must remain within the circle until 3:33 AM. You must continue until 3:33 AM without being attacked by Midnight Peebs or being trapped within the circle of pizza rolls to win the game. Midnight Peebs will then leave at 3:33 AM and you will be safe to proceed with your morning.
Staying in one spot the entire game will only result in Midnight Peebs finding you. It is HIGHLY advised that you continue moving throughout the game.
DO NOT talk about Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT MIDNIGHT PEEBS.
DO NOT turn on any lights during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT use a flashlight during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT go to sleep during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT use another person’s booze during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT use a lighter to substitute for a candle. It will not work.
AND DEFINITELY DO NOT attempt to provoke Midnight Peebs in ANY WAY.
That is all. Have fun.
There was a slight tremble in Maurice’s hand, but he pretended it didn’t exist. He imagined his muscles like loose ropes which moored a ship to the docks. He saw himself grabbing hold of the frayed, coarseness of them and pulling hard, stealing all the slack they had stolen as the ship drifted at the mercy of the tide, and he wrapped each one tighter and tighter around the steel protuberances of the wharf. His muscles mimicked this, the taught-ness and the tension. He knew that this utter focus was necessary, because this was something that could not be undone. There was no means to erase or undo each stroke of his blade. There was a finality in this, but it did not enter into his head. Only the unfettered commitment to his work which slowly etched itself in front of him as he went.
As each cut bore itself deeper into the surface, flakes and bits of paint fell to the floor like confetti and began to stick to his pants. But this too went unnoticed. Maurice was almost finished now. He was almost at the end of all this. He felt a sudden, unexpected sting on the flat part of his thumb and a small stream of blood began to drip across the groves in his palm and down his wrist, as if some disembodied force was guiding it without knowing it, like hands on an Ouija board.
As a single drop of his own blood struck the floor, mixing with the paint and flecks of cheap metal, Maurice finished his work. He had transfered which had only been a semblance of thoughts, a mixture of things never quite settled on long enough to be considered thoughts. They couldn’t have that name because they were only flickers of ideas, strapped together with the fleeting phantoms of past experiences. But now he had made them concrete. He folded up his tool, hiding the half-dull tool away for now. Maurice didn’t linger, though. The thing was done and before the blood that had spilled on the floor had made its way into the groves of the tiles, he was out the door and in his car and down the road.
He knew that his work would be there forever. And if he ever questioned his own existence, doubted for a moment that he was really a relevant player in this world, he would not need to doubt himself.
Because, forever etched into the third bathroom stall in the Gas and Go off of Interstate 73, read the words: