Goin’ Steady With Hitler

From the crew that brought you the hit series Local 187 comes a sparkling new comedy above love, life, and keepin’ it in your pants on penalty of the gas chamber! Goin’ Steady With Hitler is 2-1/2 Men meets the Third Reich! You don’t have to be a socialist or Aryan to fall in love with this cheeky new comedy coming Tuesday nights to ABC. Watch your favorite Führer in this concentration camp of laughs and all heil comedy!

Mayor Gunbear Vows to Clean Up Tatooine’s Filthy Capital

MOS ESPA, Tatooine – It’s a dirty job, and now Gunbear’s gonna do it.

An aide loyal to Mayor Gunbear said Thursday that his office will take over two waste-collection companies that are responsible for picking up garbage in Mos Eisley and dumping it in the Sarlacc Pit. In Mos Eisley, residents have long complained about inadequate trash collection.

Gunbear himself has repeatedly weighed in on the issue, criticizing city authorities for failing to get rid of the heaps of refuse, bodies, and droid parts that line the capital’s gritty downtown streets. “RAAAAWWWWRRRRR! SARLACC!” Gunbear said on Thursday.

Merle Tosche, the owner of Tosche Station and a self-proclaimed power converter enthusiast, blamed the problem on “the failure of the capitalist system, in which private interests were put above public interests.”

Mayor Gunbear’s office is also considering hefty fines for businesses that produce excessive amounts of waste, Merle said.

The waste-management companies targeted for takeover, Hutts2Sarlacc and Boba Fetch — did not immediately respond to Gunbear’s announcement.