Drunk Movie Reviews – Reptilian

Based on the success of the “Top 25 Greatest Films Ever” mini-series, we bring to you what everyone has been craving…episodic installments! This season is full of love, drama, laughs, and even a few tear jerkers. Hope you enjoy!

Join Mike as he drunkenly smashes his way through the cityscape of a movie called “Reptilian.” It’s good, it’s bad. No, it’s really just bad. Perhaps you could say the monster’s workout routine is “good.” But that’s about it.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5qTbQE74Go

I’m Not Afraid to Die

We’re all adults here. We know that when you die, it’s just lights out. A switch is flipped and then…nothing. Because of this, I’m not scared to die.

Some people are scared to die because they are afraid of how they will die. No one wants a painful death and I am with that mindset. But if you live your life with that bearing over you, your life certainly can’t reach it’s full potential.

This is what many are afraid of. They fear they will not have lived their lives to the fullest. They are worried they will miss out on important experiences if they die too soon. But that doesn’t bother me. Sure, I might not have experienced the thrill of sky diving or walked atop the majestic Himalayas, but I won’t know! It’s lights out, remember? NOTHING. There is no feeling of remorse after death. There is just…more being dead.

What I am worried about, if I die before I get old, is being thought of as an asshole postmortem. I try my darnedest to be a nice guy while I’m alive but I don’t want to be the dick who leaves all his friends and loved ones with a bunch of shit to deal with. I’m not just talking about debts, funeral costs and whatnot. I’m talking about the more important, personal stuff.

“Mike and I were planning a party for next weekend. Now what am I supposed to do? That asshole had the keg reservation!”

I don’t want people saying that!

“I can’t believe he died two days before he was supposed to help me move. Dick move!”

Who is going to do my job if I die? Who is going to take care of my cat? Who is going to do the dishes? My roommates will be eating off filthy, disease-riddled dishes if I die. These are my concerns. I don’t want people to think of me as a dick who died just to get out of a few favors.

Perhaps, in an ever-amending will, I can delegate tasks and responsibilities to people. That way everyone can see that I was thinking of all my obligations along with all the things that have become expected of me.

  • To Paul, I bequeath my cat. You two are great friends and I know you will lead adorable lives together.
  • To Ben, I bequeath my fish. I hope they bring a comfort and serenity as the Wolf guides your walk through life.
  • To my Brother and his wonderful wife, I bequeath the purchase of Christmas presents for the family on my behalf. I don’t want anyone to be a gift short, come my passing.
  • To Jonny, I bequeath my desire to buy rounds of drinks at the bar. We drink together, a lot. So I’m gonna need you to pick up the slack now that I’m gone. People need gracious drinks.

…Etc…

Maybe that will cover my dead ass. Thankfully, I won’t have the privilege of knowing, because I will be busy with, well…nothing.