These days our lives are so full of noise. We are constantly bombarded with advertisements, constantly under pressure to remain connected to an ever-shrinking planet that moves faster and faster each day. There are moments, however, when the hum of the machine is quieted, the world seems to move in slow motion, and something beautiful and universal is revealed. These moments should be treasured. They can happen anywhere…even in the crapper of a gas station along an Indiana highway.
Seek Truth. Lick Boners.
Once upon a time a friend of mine, the infamous Skoolyard Killa, made me watch the movie Torque. I decided to write a review of it after all these years. Here you go:
Midnight Peebs Game INSTRUCTIONS
“Midnight Peebs” is an old pagan ritual used mainly as punishment for those who have broken the law. While it is mainly used as a scare tactic to not disobey the lords of kobol, there is still a very real chance of death to those who play Midnight Peebs and there is an even higher chance of permanent mental scarring. It is highly recommended that you DO NOT PLAY MIDNIGHT PEEBS.
Do so at your own risk.
PREREQUISITES: It must be exactly 12:00 AM when you begin performing the ritual, otherwise it will not work. It helps to be buzzed, if not drunk. The materials that are required include a candle, at least one drop of your own favorite booze, a piece of paper, matches or a lighter, pizza rolls, and a Beck CD.
STEP ONE: Write your full name on a piece of paper and put a drop of booze on it. Allow it to soak in.
STEP TWO: Turn off all the lights in the house. Go to your front door and place the paper with your name in front of it. Now, take the candle and light it. Place the candle on top of the paper with your name.
STEP THREE: Knock on your own door 31 times (The hour MUST be 12:00 AM upon the final knock), then open the door, let Paul Brooks into your house, blow out the candle, and close the door. You have just allowed the “Midnight Peebs” into your home. Begin playing the Beck CD.
STEP FOUR: Immediately relight your candle.
This is where the game begins. You must now lurk around your now completely dark house with the lit candle in hand. Your goal is to avoid Midnight Peebs at all costs until exactly 3:33 AM. Should your candle ever go out, it is because Midnight Peebs is near you. You must relight the candle within the next ten seconds. If you are unsuccessful in relighting the candle, you must then immediately surround yourself with a circle of pizza rolls.
If you are unsuccessful in both of these, Midnight Peebs will then induce a hallucination of your greatest fear until 3:33 AM, during which time he will feel you creepy. If you are successful in relighting the candle, then you may proceed. If you are successful in creating the circle of pizza rolls, you must remain within the circle until 3:33 AM. You must continue until 3:33 AM without being attacked by Midnight Peebs or being trapped within the circle of pizza rolls to win the game. Midnight Peebs will then leave at 3:33 AM and you will be safe to proceed with your morning.
Staying in one spot the entire game will only result in Midnight Peebs finding you. It is HIGHLY advised that you continue moving throughout the game.
DO NOT talk about Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT MIDNIGHT PEEBS.
DO NOT turn on any lights during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT use a flashlight during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT go to sleep during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT use another person’s booze during Midnight Peebs.
DO NOT use a lighter to substitute for a candle. It will not work.
AND DEFINITELY DO NOT attempt to provoke Midnight Peebs in ANY WAY.
That is all. Have fun.
Here’s is the article and then my reaction to this concept.
This is a perfect example of what happens when idiots get a hold of sci-fi franchises. EVERYTHING has to be connected. Picard MUST run into Kirk! It’ll make money! We HAVE to have 8 year old Bill Adama in Caprica! People won’t watch it without him! We HAVE to have the no name apprentice kill Han and Chewie! It’ll be shocking and fans will love to see them….die?! F. In fact, not only does this get an “F,” it gets a FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU!!!