Works of fiction
Mayor Gunbear Vows to Clean Up Tatooine’s Filthy Capital
MOS ESPA, Tatooine – It’s a dirty job, and now Gunbear’s gonna do it.
An aide loyal to Mayor Gunbear said Thursday that his office will take over two waste-collection companies that are responsible for picking up garbage in Mos Eisley and dumping it in the Sarlacc Pit. In Mos Eisley, residents have long complained about inadequate trash collection.
Gunbear himself has repeatedly weighed in on the issue, criticizing city authorities for failing to get rid of the heaps of refuse, bodies, and droid parts that line the capital’s gritty downtown streets. “RAAAAWWWWRRRRR! SARLACC!” Gunbear said on Thursday.
Merle Tosche, the owner of Tosche Station and a self-proclaimed power converter enthusiast, blamed the problem on “the failure of the capitalist system, in which private interests were put above public interests.”
Mayor Gunbear’s office is also considering hefty fines for businesses that produce excessive amounts of waste, Merle said.
The waste-management companies targeted for takeover, Hutts2Sarlacc and Boba Fetch — did not immediately respond to Gunbear’s announcement.
How to Save a Failing Government
The year is 2011 and the United States government is collapsing. Universal Health Care turned out to be a terrible mistake and the list of corporate bailouts is all but endless. The President is spending less time fighting terror abroad and the bulk of his days attending the funerals of self-destructive congressmen who couldn’t stand to live after watching the plush and lucrative empires they had created for themselves crumble beneath their very feet.
In a desperate attempt to save the greatest nation in the history of all history, the Chief of State approached Three men hoping they could lift the fallen giant back to it once towering stature. These Three men were The Presidents of the United States of America. A witty alt-rock band in the 90’s, The Presidents of the United States of America accepted the monstrous challenge with great pride and the rest…is feather plucking insane!
Find out what WACKY situations these guys get our country in and out of starting this Fall on FOX!